Why?

There are days when I struggle to see the "why?"...
- Why do I get up at 5:30 am?
- Why do I send out the same document that I sent out last week?
- Why do I put on a suit and a tie?
- Why do I ask the same student to pull up his pants?
- Why do I make accommodations for others when I know they won't for me?
- Why should I speak to him when he refuses to acknowledge me?
- Why should I hold that student to high expectations when she has clearly told me she doesn't care with her attitude?
- Why should I invest my time and energy into this when I know my time is running out?
- Why am I constantly going from meeting to meeting?

There are times when I struggle to comprehend the "Why?"...
Then I meditate and the still voice inside replies" why not?"

No Echo

Music needs no clouds to echo
The soul needs no physical body to be felt.  The reverberations of sound have no container which can trap it or hold it hostage. True love cannot be ignored or denied. As much as we try to deny what we feel the reality is we cannot. Just like a wind chime that rings continuously until it is inaudible the heart beats until it no longer can be heard.
A familiar song plays in my head as if the singer recorded it there. Only I can hear it yet I can't help but to hum it aloud. A woman near by turns and begins to bob her head. Before you know it she is mouthing the words moving her body in syncopation. I notice her in the corner of my eye and turn my head to get a glimpse of her. I hum louder watching her intently. She seems to not even notice me staring at her. My hum becomes louder and before I realize it I'm moving closer. She must have felt my presence drawing near because she turned and looked at me. As we made eye contact I continued to hum and she kept right on singing.  Then all of a sudden the train arrived and the doors opened. We snapped out of our daze of melody and song. She turned and looked at the open doors of the train then she looked back at me. Without reaching out physically I felt her pull me closer. Then she immediately turned and boarded the train. I stood paralyzed as the doors closed and the train began to move. Our eyes locked as the train slowly moved along.  In that moment all I could do was hum the melody as I looked on. As I hummed I heard her singing the rest of the words in my head.  Interestingly, her voice and my humming wasn't the only sound I heard. Underneath it I heard my heart beating in my ear like the echo of a voice in a cave.

Do You See What I see?

Why are you avoiding the mirror I'm holding up before you?  I'm sure as you got dressed today you looked in the mirror to make sure that you looked nice before you left the house.  Are you only concerned about your outer appearance?  Are you unwilling to view your internal appearance and all that it encompasses?  It's crazy how I can see it...not only with my physical eyes but with the third eye of discernment and intrigue.  A curiosity constantly looms about in my mind as I look into your eyes...you are saying this and that but you aren't telling the entire story.  What is it that makes you avoid my questions?  You accuse me of probing or "poking and prodding" but I'm only asking you these questions out of a place of knowing...knowing that there is something beneath the surface that you are avoiding.  Is it fear of vulnerability?  Is it fear of being too authentic?  Is it fear that you will be exposed as a fraud or as being something you are not?  On the contrary, you cannot expose anymore than what has already been sensed and thought of...anything you say will not be held against you in a court of law or hold you in contempt!  It will actually free you and affirm what I have already figured out...and that is that you are in transition...you are evolving!  As a caterpillar morphs under the guise of a simple, unassuming, and unattractive cocoon you are concealed in an ugly grayness of ambiguity.  However, unlike the caterpillar whose refuge is voluntary and instinctual your hiding is out of fear and concern of losing yourself.  In actuality as the butterfly is the finished product of the evolutionary cocoon your getting out of your own way will free you to be beautiful beyond you comprehension and help you to find yourself.  In the words of Bilal, "Butterfly the struggle makes you beautiful, the struggle makes you fly!"  The struggle of looking in the mirror and doing some self-reflection will let you be real with yourself...looking in the mirror will help you BE!

Slippery Slope

So stupidly we slide down the down the slope of unrequited love only to stop after tumbling and rolling helplessly into a ditch of despair and abandonment.  Once we get up and dust ourselves off we realize that the bruises and cuts signify the lashes of eye cuts and teeth sucking the other person delivered at the thought of you.  The healing balm that eventually converts the scars to wounds is time, space, and memories of good times.  Worse than a banana peel, wet spot on the floor, or random trip up, because the fall isn't quick and embarrassing.  The slippery slope is prolonged, momentous, and unstoppable!  Like enjoying a scary ride for the first few turns and dreading it by the end, the experience of falling in love can be terrifying and impressionable.  "I will never ride that ride again" you say.  But with time and growth you will venture out again and take the risk. Hopefully, you won't tumble down the slope in a free fall but you will have the proper equipment and gear on to navigate the terrain.  The slope will still be slippery and slide you will, in fact you must but this time you remain standing only to end on your feet at the bottom and able to look up at from whence you came.

Passion/Place/Purpose

This morning I had a quality of life conversation with a friend of mine. During our conversation he said to me "Rashid there is a difference between passion and place...to often we remain in a place to long and we allow the place to taint our passion! When he said that it resonated deep within me and I immediately begin to think about how place and passion is connected with purpose. I want to dig into each of these concepts to hash out the revelation that came from his comment.
Passion is defined as a strong emotion or feeling towards a person or thing. Passion has many ways of manifesting itself in our lives as humans. We can be passionate about a person we love or desire. We can be passionate about a form of artistic expression. Also, we can be passionate about a cause, a line of work, career or profession. In our conversation my friend and I were speaking of passion in the latter sense. He used his passion for graphic design as an example. He is sure that that is the type of work that provides him the greatest satisfaction and accomplishment.
Place is defined as a area with definite and indefinite boundaries.  Another definition could be geographical in nature and refer to a specific location.  As we talked my friend spoke of his former "place" of employment as an unhealthy environment that was laden with pressure economically, socially, mentally, and emotionally.  He said that when he would wake up in the morning to prepare to go to that "place" of employment he felt like he was going on the march to death row! Wow what an analogy. However, now that he works in another "place" he wakes up looking forward to going to work.  And yes he is still doing the same kind of work that he was doing in the former "place".
Purpose is defined as the reason why something is created or intended for.  Often, in a vocational sense purpose is connected with one's passion.  Most human beings try to connect this two principles in an attempt to live a fulfilling life.  How does place play a role in this discussion?  Well place is the location in which one carries out that vocation, which is connected to one's passion and purpose.
The challenge my friend brought to my attention was the fact that we to often allow the place we are in to overtake or pollute or passion and purpose.  If the place is unhealthy we begin to question our passion and purpose.  We begin to look for another passion and purpose verses looking for another place!  Nothing really changed about what you are passionate about our the purpose in which you feel connected to, it is simply the place!
Just like a guest can wear out his/her welcome a place can exceed it's intention or necessity in one's journey. To often we create artificial boundaries of comfort or fear that keep us locked in a place only to deny ourselves the fulfillment we so deeply desire.  We need to be willing to say "It's time to move on my time in this place has come to an end."  As i type this I'm reminded of a conversation I had with my co-worker yesterday about her plans next year and her words echoed that sentiment.  Passion, place, and purpose are connected in a tapestry of being!  To live passionately is to live with purpose and to live we have to operate in places where our passion and purpose are needed...

Denial's Entrapment

You must be joking?
Are you serious?
But I thought...
Well that can't be the case!
You must not be doing something right because that cannot be the case!
These are the words we find ourselves reciting when we find ourselves confronted with troubling news or when receive some information that knocks the wind out of us like a swift kick from the hoof of a Clydesdale.

Our cognitive dissonance rises to the surface deflecting the obvious in a hope to retain our former reality...our false reality at times.  Within if we truly were in tune with our soul we felt something was wrong.  The fear of the unknown. The fear of being labeled. The fear of being judged. The fear of other's perceptions or even our own perceptions cause us to play a psychological game of dodgeball. Like a game of freeze tag we do not want life to tag us and say "Freeze".  If I freeze I may just have to sit in the pain...I may have to allow the reality of my situation to set in and I don't know if I could bare it.  My protest of your help is destructive but I don't want your help because for you to assist me means I have to accept it and for me that would make me feel trapped! 

Lonely's the only company

Crowded bar of people engaged in conversation and the one person that stands out to me is a woman on the otherside of the bar. She's typing away on her phone only to briefly glance up at the TV. Stephen Curry drains a three to tie the game! She seems unmoved by the events unfolding on the screen as she sips her Corona in a chilled glass. Andre Miller scores the winning basket for the Denver Nuggets to win game 1 of their series against Golden State.  Despite the outcome she remains unnerved in the least bit. Back to her phone she returns possibly engaging in some social media outlet. Maybe she is checking her email.  She could be texting her friend or a potential guest that she is awaiting.  Either way she has caught my attention. Not because of her beauty.  Not because she is wearing some gaudy attire. No she has garnered my attention out my curiosity of whether she is sitting at the bar by herself because of the same reason I am here alone.  Could she, like me, be here because she is in need of feeling like a stranger? Is she in need of the feeling of being unknown in a room of people sharing conversation with other people they are intentionally engaged in community with?  Is she content with being in an atmosphere that is filled with chatter, noise from the tv, plates clacking, drinks being ordered, a dishwasher running, and the feet of servers constantly moving?  I guess not because as she finishes her drink she leaves...she leaves...she leaves.  She leaves and I am left feeling my original thoughts that lonely's the only company.