Forever a Momma's Boy

So often the term "Momma's Boy" is used to classify a man or little boy that has a strong relationship with his mother.  The term has positive and negative connotations.  As we celebrate Mother's Day I could not help but think about how I have often referred to my self as a "Momma's Boy".  Growing up I would spent countless hours just laying with my mom and talking to her.  When my siblings would go out with their friends or be engaged in other activities in the house I would be right there with my mom; even on holidays.  As I reflect I cannot identify any one specific reason why I just felt so inclined to spend time with my mom like I did.  However, I can identify how being around her shaped who I am. My mom was a calm and warm person that drew people to her naturally.  My mom was peaceful and reflective.  She would not say much but when she did she spoke with a level of insight and wisdom that often was captivating to me as teenager.  My mother was a natural leader.  In fact she did not seek out leadership opportunities, people would approach her to lead things because of her ability to lead by example.  My mother was a strong women, who did not let us see her be vulnerable.  I can only recall a few moments in my life that I saw my mom cry or seem as though she was emotionally distraught...But you know what, I learned more about her in those moments then in any other time because she showed me that even the strong have moments of weakness, and it is alright.  Too often I hear the term "Momma's Boy" used in a negative light to speak of "dead beat" older men who do not own their own home but may be living with their mother.  Also, the term has been used to describe men that do not know how to keep their mothers out of the middle of their relationships.  They allow their mothers to either get to involved in the relationship or they may turn to them for advice that often alienates or pisses off the other woman in his life.  While I understand how that is definitely something that cannot be tolerated I thnk we have to also see how a son's relationship with his mother is the foundation to helping that man know how to love unconditionally.  At least I can vouch for the fact that the greatest lesson I learned from my mom is how to love! I watched her love family, friends, associates, and strangers with the same level of care and concern.  Was my mom perfect?  By no means! However, I gleaned so much about life by just observing her and spending time with her.  I am who am because of her and I realize that now thirteen years after her death.  As I celebrate Mother's day I can only pray that my wife, sister, sister-in-law, and all the other mothers in the world can be to their kids what my mom was to me and more!  So I proudly say I am a "Momma's Boy"!

Fear of Writing

Often I find the process of sitting down to write as a fearful process; at least when I write in my personal journal.  I am afraid to put my thoughts on the page in fear that what I put down will be read by others in a judgemental way.  I fear that they may judge me or that they may read it partially and form an opinion about me that may not be accurate.  Also, I fear that they may read it superficially and think that I am some egotistical guy that is vain and self-centered.  On the other hand I fear that they actually may read my honesty and see that I am being selfish, vain, egotistical, shallow, and only complaining about petty things.  I fear that the writing process because I may actually read my thoughts from the past later on and realize that I was totally off base, random, petty, or ranting about something totally irrelevant. However, on the contrary there are those moments when I revisit a past journal entry and I read what I have wrote only to feel amazed and in awe that I actually produced a "living document" that is compeling, passionate, enthrolling, creative, and inspiring.  I guess at the end of the day the fear is the unknown!  The fact that I do not know what the end result will be, whether I will like it, or feel that it is worth sharing, keeps me from wanting to write.  I guess that is why I am apprehensive about blogging and posting my writing through social media.  However, it is time to just take the plunge and put my thoughts out for the world to read.  At the end of the day my voice has power and who knows who it will EMPOWER!!!