Race against myself

I am racing against my self trying to figure out why I continue to find myself in a rut.  The only answer that I can come to is that I am my worst critic and that I continue to fight myself.  My ambition will not allow me to rest.  My indiscretions will not allow me to forgive myself.  My failures will not allow me to recognize the success.  I am in a race against me!  In the recesses of my mind I cannot find a place of stillness to admire my accomplishments.  With the amount of close death that I have experienced I find myself trying my damndest to ensure that I reach greatness.  So I put myself under a weight of pressure that at times becomes uneasy to carry.  My greatest fear is failure!  In the words of Trey Songz, "I just wanna be successful!" While I do not seek the aggrandizement that they rap about in their song I still can identify with the overall message.  Kanye West said it another way, "Having money isn't everything not having it is!"  In a society in which the 1% of our society hoard all of the wealth and gain incentives at the same time I find myself chasing a dream that was never real.  So then the race is not against society but it is against myself because in the end it is me that has to recognize that I can overcome the odds.  It is me that will have to deal with myself when I find myself at my final hour or last moment.  It is me that will have to ask myself what legacy have I left my family.  What lessons have I instilled in Haylee that will help her live a better life than I?  What will she say was the greatest lesson she learned from the life that I lived before her? I am running a race and that race is not against others...the race is against myself!